the not-so-reverend ray gunn ([info]raygunn_revival) wrote,
@ 2005-04-14 14:46:00
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"Meat: The Flesh Failures"
I liked it when he ________ my ________ while I ________ him. With the firebugs in my ribcage I projected my lung’s shadow onto his bare back. He’d lean over my prone body, the disguise of my prone body like a tundra on holiday doing backstrokes in capricornish water. Lean over just like that and the fish would evolve, as if he’d snuffed a candle between thumb and forefinger where the lightning bolts came out. That he died, I’m not certain; it may just be that I started to move backward and everything else stayed still. Fixtures in the scenery snort past when I stick my head out the window. I count each snort and catalog its shape. Even looking down I can’t tell which of us is moving.

It’s spring, and I’m so very tired of the con my body is running.

For example: There was the street that ran past his hovel, where I saw the parked car. The butcher in the backseat with the large dead pig. Through the open door I watched him ________ its ________ while he ________ it. It’s strange but blood can cloud as well as clot. Maybe it does both inside us. The sidewalk was uneven and he looked up. “The fuck you looking at?”

That the pig was dead, I’m not certain. That may have just been the con it was running.


© 2005



(21 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]quickly_9
2005-04-14 12:39 pm UTC (link)
wowzers!

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[info]raygunn_revival
2005-04-14 12:46 pm UTC (link)
Zoinks!

Thanks!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

It's a mad, mad, madlib y'all
[info]jackbabalon23
2005-04-14 01:41 pm UTC (link)
Even when I have to fill in the blanks i'm still left with some beautiful imagery. Tres Cool mon virtual amis!

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Re: It's a mad, mad, madlib y'all
[info]raygunn_revival
2005-04-14 03:11 pm UTC (link)
Merci beaucoup, monsieur!

Out of vain curiosity, what kinds of things did you fill in the blanks with?

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Re:Tapping the vain & firing blanks
[info]jackbabalon23
2005-04-14 10:03 pm UTC (link)
1.slit
2.throat
3.kissed
4.slit
5.throat
6.kissed

I'm not a poet but I kinda thought it'd be cool to see a repeating pattern
and it fit seemed to fit the butcher imagery. However it does seem a little creepy typing it out.

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Re: Tapping the vain & firing blanks
[info]raygunn_revival
2005-04-15 03:46 am UTC (link)
That's actually what I had in mind when I wrote it. Not the words themselves, of course--though I love the ones you chose--but the repeating pattern.

It's not a coincidence that the blanks occur in the same syntactic space for the "I" as for the pig.

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[info]spasmsproject
2005-04-14 01:59 pm UTC (link)
That was disgusting. And good!!!!!

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[info]raygunn_revival
2005-04-14 03:17 pm UTC (link)
Thanks...I think! ("Disgusting" in my book is good. Like "geeky." Yours too?)


And thanks!!!

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[info]spasmsproject
2005-04-14 06:15 pm UTC (link)
Usually "disgusting" could go either way, in my book, but today it means "goooooooooooood."

Yay!

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[info]snizzpod
2005-04-14 04:00 pm UTC (link)
You're so good at Disgusting!

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[info]raygunn_revival
2005-04-14 04:15 pm UTC (link)
That's me, the Princess of Puke
The Viscountess of Vomit
The Queen of queasy

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[info]snizzpod
2005-04-14 04:19 pm UTC (link)
The Empress of Impress
The Spook of Sputum
The Chick with The Sick!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Meat Libs
[info]drsmax
2005-04-14 04:57 pm UTC (link)
1. write
2. dissertation
3. feltched
4. email
5. spreadsheet
6. feltched

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Re: Meat Libs
[info]drsmax
2005-04-14 04:58 pm UTC (link)
woops. #1 should be "wrote"

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Re: Meat Libs
[info]raygunn_revival
2005-04-14 05:12 pm UTC (link)
Somebody's been working too hard!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

that a pig
[info]drsmax
2005-04-14 04:59 pm UTC (link)
this is awesome, babe

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In a cage, on anti-*psychotics*
[info]raygunn_revival
2005-04-14 05:14 pm UTC (link)
Thanks, babe!

I'm super glad you think so. This is how I procrastinated while fiddling with my taxes. All those blank spaces inspired me.

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it's confirmed
[info]dead_kitty
2005-04-14 06:22 pm UTC (link)
You're a literary genus, as in species.

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Re: it's confirmed
[info]raygunn_revival
2005-04-14 06:28 pm UTC (link)
Wow, that's the most awesome compliment, ever. Thanks, woman.

I should put it in my file...uh, under "kingdom" and show my family.

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[info]moosemonster
2005-04-14 10:15 pm UTC (link)
I LOVE this.

Although there are a couple of bits in the first paragraph I don't understand.

After about the fifth reading I realized what a mindfuck it is.

I've been reading some flash fiction online at Double Room. Interesting to see how much better this is.

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A mindfuck without protection, even
[info]raygunn_revival
2005-04-15 03:51 am UTC (link)
Why, thank you. That's really fulfilling to hear.

I'm torn as to whether to look at the stories on Double Room now. On the one hand, it could make me feel puffed-up if I too judge my work to be better.

On the other hand, seeing writing that I consider sub-par can be depressing.

In any case, yay! Glad you liked my little mindfuck.

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